When Santa Moonlights as a Sign Maker

I know you think that Santa
works one night of the year.
But this is proof positive
that Santa works right here.
As a signmaker in the off season.
1-800-AN-ELF-IS-JUST-A-CHRISTMAS-ELK

Crow Farm and More Oxymoron

We've got racoons, squirrels, and small dogs.
On a good day, we might have hogs.
Not the kind all clean and pinky.
Ours are awful offal stinky.
See those flowers?  They're a sick ploy.
With your sensibilities we will toy.
Once you get inside, you'll know gross.
Here at Crow Farm, crows, we are boss.

Today's special for motorists:
Two-for-one-hit-and-run.
We keep the carcass.
You have the fun.

For take-out skins and undamaged organs:
1-800-WE-OWN-THE-ROAD-KILL

Highway to Hoffa

Oh where, oh where
could my little Jimmy be?
Oh where, oh where
could he be?
Hey!  Look!
He's right here!
Heading down Highway 95!
And they said no one
could find him.   :-)
He's playing a gig
in Warwick, Rhode Island
with Elvis . . .

Spiritual Water Sports

If God Liked Boats . . .

Poetic English Lanuage

Oxymoron

Comings and Goings of Life

Thinking Outside the Sign is back for May.
I will try to post a sign/symbol each Friday.
If you come across a great sign/symbol,
email me a photo to consider
or tell me where you saw it.
Happy Friday in your comings and goings.
Hope yours includes a four-footed friend.

Happy Tails

Happy tails to you,
until we meet again.

Happy tails to you,
keep smilin' until then.
Who cares about the clouds
when we're together?
Just sing a song and
bring the sunny weather.
Happy tails to you,
'till we meet again.

Lyrics co-opted from Dale Evans' "Happy Trails."
Of course.  I am a poet.   :-)
It has been a fun project for poetry month.
Hope you have enjoyed.
I know I surely have.
And don't forget to keep
Thinking Outside the Sign.

Soft Shoulder

Life Signs:
Soft Shoulder.  Cry here.

Rhode Island Directions

RISD Museum Store 3D:
Formerly the Metcalf Store.
Where the hardware place used to be.
In front of the old movie theater
that is now the parking for the mall.
Turn left at the old garage
where Dad used to pump gas
that once was a disco
but now is a Buddhist retreat center.

If you get lost,
stop at the Visitor's Center
that isn't there any more
because now it's a Stop and Shop.
But at least you can buy some
"yes, we have no bananas today."

End Road Work

First Amendment right:
Protest Sign.

Poetic Water Sports

If Shakespeare had a boat . . .

Streamlining Life Signs

Having trouble getting ready for work?
Getting the kids ready for school?
Then, worry no more!
We at Streamlining Life Signs, Ink.,
are ready to get a sign ready
to streamline your life.
Once you have these handy dandy signs
posted around your house,
you'll never have to be late again.
Get Ready Area.
Breakfast Area.
Lost Toys Area.
Breakdown Area.
Who would have thought that
something as simple as a sign
could simplify your life?!?
Call now.  Sign Makers ready
to ink you back to sanity.
1-800-GIVE-ME-A-SIGN

Signs of Spring

Pssst.  Hey you.
Rocker boy.
Open this door, will ya?
Time to go out and play
geranium tag.

Gull Guards

The Town of Warwick
is implementing
a new cost-saving measure
for summer 2010.
Beginning Memorial Weekend,
the newly trained Gull Guards
will be on all town beaches.
They can't rescue you from drowning,
but they can rescue you from those excess
French fries you buy at Iggy's.
Applications for Gull Guards available at
1-800-ITS-MY-BEACH-AND-DON'T-YOU-FORGET-IT.

If the Pilgrims Had Twitter . . .

If the Pilgrims Had Twitter: 
Can u believe
we r stuck on this creakin' ship
in the harbor cuz
nobody has coins
for the @#$%^&* meter?!?
Meet me aft
& we'll play "jump the shark"!

Making Amends

Don't park here, man.
No car.  No skate.
But you can always levitate
your ice cream truck and wagon of hay
till sunrise comes around each day.
By Ordinance of the Fraternal Order Against Beach Bums.
NAMBY:  Not at My Beach, Yo. 

Just Like Vegas

Who says Little Rhody
can't be Las Vegas East?
Or the Hotel California
of East Greenwich.
Hotel Greenwich.
Where the burgers are medium,
the winning is rare,
the band is well-done,
and the drinks and women are full-bodied.
You won't ever have to leave!

Start the Day with Ice Cream

Hello, Everyone.
Guido here with your tip
for a Happy Monday.
Start at the top of the street.
Eat dessert first.
Come on, my little monkey.
Vanilla, you say?
Okay.
Then we will delight the folks
here on Commercial Street
with a song.
Happy Monday!

(Mural painting of old Provincetown, MA.
Many murals grace the walls of the
Provincetown Inn, at the tip of Cape Cod.
http://www.provincetowninn.com/murals.html)

Street Sign Rhyme

Everything rhymes during Poetry Month.  :-)
This street sign in Provincetown, MA
should have been named for Benjamin Lee Whorf (1897 - 1941).
Whorf was an American linguist.
He is widely known for his ideas about linguistic relativity,
the hypothesis that language influences thought.
Hail, Benjamin Lee Whorf!

Not to be confused with Worf from Star Trek,
clearly a superior linguist in is own right.   :-)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Lee_Whorf

Eat Your Eyes

Hey, Mon. 
You having trouble finding your shades?
Lost in your purse.
Dropped in your car.
Well, worry no more!
Welcome to Mango Sunglasses.
Shades made of fruit.
Wear once and eat.
No more losing on the street.
Drop them in your mouth.
Oh, they so sweet!
1-800-EAT-MY-EYES

Freud's Store

The psychology of retail.

Tax Day: Don't Sweat It!

It's Tax Day.
But don't sweat it.
Just rush to your local post box.
And liquid refreshment is waiting for you.

(Please donate to our newTax Day Campaign:
A Fire Hydrant at Every Mailbox. 
1-800-IRS-HOSED ME.)

New Foreign Policy

Make mine chocolate chip.
Nothing says open to hope
and pass the peace pipe
like Toll House.

More Signs of Global Warming: Eskimo Migration

I scream!  You scream!
We all scream for ice cream!
Manny Flavors here reminding you
that ice cream season has begun.
Sled on in to Eskimo King
for 100 names for snow, uh,
no, I mean 100 flavors of ice cream.
Bring your sled dog too!
We have a flavor called Mush just for him
and Baked Alaska for her!
Hurry!  Supplies melting as we speak.

Time for a Haircut?

Hair?  Hair?
Where's my hair?
Down my back
and goin' somewhere.
Ain't been cut
in quite a spell.
Big Haired Poet
needs some gel.
Get a haircut
before you trip.
Your hair's antique.
It's time to snip.

Fencing Fitness

Put away your yoga, pilates, and weights!
Exercise the easy way.  Big muscles it creates.
There's just nothing quite like it
since Richard Simmons hit the scene.
Just install some fences, and you will surely be lean!
All together, now!

Post digger!  Post digger!
Pickets and chain link!
Stay in shape the easy way.
Dig a fence hole today!
1-800-FENCES-MAKE-GOOD-BODIES

I McSorley Need a Poet

For the Beach Barn Poets and Poets Everywhere

(With an Irish jig in mind)

I McSorley need a poet to chase away my ill.
I McSorley need a poet to chase away my ill.
My ink's gone dry.  And I can't cry.
I've had to even stop askin' why.
I McSorley need a poet to chase away my ill.

But if I find no poet, I'll settle for an ale.
But if I find no poet, I'll settle for an ale.
Bring me two.  That's a good lad, Stu.
And bring two more, just to make darned sure.
'Cause if I find no poet, I'll settle for an ale.

Would ya look at that!  The poets are throwin' back a few.
Would ya look at that!  The poets are throwin' back a few.
They're spewing verse like cummings did way back in the day.
Would ya look at that!  The poets are throwin' back a few.

http://www.mcsorleysnewyork.com/home.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McSorley's_Old_Ale_House

Rights of Passage

Life is easy, Son.
Just think of it as a fishing metaphor.
You're the type that fishes or you're the type that (cough, cough) dances.
Life's an oyster to the right.
Life's polluted to the left.
Good neighborhood.
Bad neighborhood.
Easy as pie.
Now, let's fish!

Throw Pillows and Bicuspids

Tired of the same old drill at the dentist?
Wam bam here's your root canal, Ma'am?
Well, come on down to Interior Dental Design!
We will recover your bicuspids in Italian tile.
Prefer "Shabby Chic" around your cheeks?
No problemo!
We have bean bags to fit every molar
and a couch for every mouth.
We want to redesign your dentin!
Call now!  Enamel Experts standing by!
1-800-CHIC-MY-TEETH.

Signs of Global Warming

FOR SALE:

Ice Biz.
No need to make ice anymore.
Just wait for the arctic glaciers to float down Narragansett Bay.
Don't forget to feed the polar bears perched on them.
They'll be hungry.
They are a long way from home.

http://www.nrdc.org/globalWarming/solutions/default.asp

See photo April 7, 2010.

Stalk the Walk

Stalk the walk.
Seize the day.
Don't you be nobody's prey.
http://www.vdayri.com/

See "Stalk the Walk" photo below.

Feed Your Head Free Poetry

Poetry feeds.
Feeds your needs.
Needs your love.
Love your head.
Feed your head.
Poetry. 
Free.
Poetry.

The Origami Poems Project is the brainchild of Rhode Island poets Barbara Schweitzer, Jan Keough, and Lynnie Gobeille (seen in the above photo stapling bags of free origami poems to a telephone pole in Wickford, RI.) Click on the photo of Lynnie to read about the project and become an origami poet yourself!

See "Feed Your Head Free Poetry" photo below.

Separation of Church and State

I wave my stars and stripes to entice you closer.
But all you do is sing.

See "Separation of Church and State" photo below.

L'Elizabeth and Breakfast Blues on South Main

Channeling Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer's Blues in the Night

My momma done tole me
To eat a good breakfast
And don't waste no time
when you can combine

See "Breakfast of Champions" photo below.

The Beach May Be Closer Than You Think!

Love the one you are with.
Dance like no one is watching.
Play at the beach.
It may be closer than you think.

See "After the Storm" photo below.

Emergency Tree

Bring your problems to a tree.
Sit beneath me.
You'll find help here.

See "Emergency Tree" photo below.